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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23757502">These Scars May be Forever, But So Is My Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nostalgicvamp/pseuds/nostalgicvamp'>nostalgicvamp</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wynonna Earp (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Nicole Haught Backstory, Nicole Haught Needs A Hug, Non supernatural, Not Canon Compliant, PTSD, Sad Nicole, Soft Waverly Earp, burn victim, injured Nicole, waverly earp - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:07:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,429</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23757502</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nostalgicvamp/pseuds/nostalgicvamp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nicole is hiding something from Waverly, she just knows it. From walking up in the middle of the night because of night terrors, to only changing in the bathroom. There's something wrong and Waverly just wants to be there for her girlfriend.</p>
<p>This is just an idea I've had in my head for a while. Just wanted to get it out there.<br/>Non Canon- Non Supernatural.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>290</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>These Scars May be Forever, But So Is My Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Waverly didn’t question it. Not at first anyway. They hadn’t even been a couple for that long and Waverly always just equated that to be the reason. Well, that and the fact that Nicole was the most attentive to Waverly and her feelings and making sure everything was at a comfortable pace. It can be a whirlwind when you come out and start dating a woman almost simultaneously. But Nicole made it easy. She made it worth it. She made everything worth it. And that is why Waverly didn’t question it. </span>
</p>
<p><span>She didn’t question the times Nicole would slow down a not so easy-going make-out session. She didn’t question when Nicole would hold her hands to keep them from wandering. Again, her mind just went to the best case scenario. Well, the best it can get when all you want to do is get down with your incredibly hot and sweet girlfriend. Nicole just wants them to take their time, go at a slow pace, not rush anything. Every make-out session would end with heavy breathing and flush faces. Nicole would just push the hair out of Waverly’s face and sweetly say,</span> <span>“I just want you to be sure. I don’t want you to feel like you need to rush anything.” And Waverly would just blush slightly harder, while her heart warmed at the earnest sweetness of the redhead’s words. She never questioned it. Until now.</span></p>
<p>
  <span>It started with the small and not necessarily </span>
  <em>
    <span>sexy</span>
  </em>
  <span> things. Like, for instance, Waverly realized she has never seen Nicole change. It wasn’t that particularly strange and at first Waverly didn’t even register it. Usually when Nicole would stay over or vice-versa, right before bed she’d go to the bathroom and come out in her pj’s or out of the shower changed. Waverly looked up at Nicole from the bed with a light gleam in her eye.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know you can change in the bedroom, you don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to go into the bathroom just to change.” Waverly said teasingly. Nicole’s cheeks tinged and her body became a little tense as if she was just caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just that, um, I was already going in there to brush my teeth so I just grabbed my clothes.” Nicole rushed out in one breath and scratched the back of her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nic, I’m just teasing. But just so you know I wouldn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>mind</span>
  </em>
  <span> seeing you get changed.” Waverly pulled the covers over offering a spot for Nicole. The redhead made her way over to the bed and slid in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh is that so?” The tenseness slowly fading out of her muscles. Waverly smirked and looked down at Nicole’s lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very much so.” And that night when Waverly thought she might </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> get some, Nicole slowed them down again. Only then Waverly’s busy brain started shifting gears in thought. But it was only after a couple of similar instances that Waverly really started to become curious. Every now and then Nicole would wake up heaving air in a dead cold sweat shaking. Waverly would try to reach out, but Nicole would just shake her head and say she’s fine and that,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just need some water baby. Really, it’s nothing. Go back to bed.” And before Waverly could say another word, her Nicole would be out of the room. That’s how most of them went, and Waverly would wait patiently in the dark. Only the rustle of sheets and the soft weight of Nicole getting back in bed next to her almost an hour later would bring Waverly out of her thoughts. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Baby-” Waverly would whisper.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shhh, just. Let me hold you.” Nicole would say softly but firmly with no room for an argument. And that’s how they would end most nights. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was only after one particularly bad night that Waverly really started getting suspicious that maybe there was more to Nicole </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> having nightmares and </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> changing in the bathroom. This night, Waverly didn’t wake up to Nicole gasping for air or waking with a sob stuck in her throat. On this night, Waverly woke up from feeling the cold absence of not having Nicole there. The missing heat from her bonus blanket and the eerie silence of not having another person breathing her heartbeat to fill the night woke her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Waverly slowly got out of bed and made her way downstairs in search of her missing girlfriend. As she made her way down, she could hear the stifled sounds of crying which only made her move faster.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nicole?” Waverly questioned softly not wanting to startle her. Immediately the crying stopped, a breath hitched. Waverly finally found Nicole sitting on the couch in a hoodie, Calamity at her side clearly sensing her owner's problems. Rubbing her eyes one last time, Nicole shifted and looked at Waverly, but those red puffy eyes were clear as day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Waves, what are you doing out of bed?” Waverly crossed her arms and looked down at her girlfriend softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I could ask you the same thing, baby. Did you have another nightmare?” Waverly sat next to Nicole and took her hands in hers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s nothing, Waves, just-” Waverly cut her off sternly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Baby, if it has you up in the middle of the night crying it’s not nothing. You can talk to me.” Waverly looked at the sorrowful expression of her girlfriend and softly pushed some hair behind her ear. Nicole closed her eyes and leaned into Waverly’s touch, finding a grounding with it. Waverly could see Nicole’s internal struggle just from her furrowed eyebrows. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just want you to be okay, and I’m here whenever you want to talk to me.” Nicole opened her eyes slowly, tears threatening on the very edges.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just not yet, okay? I promise I will, just not yet.” Nicole choked out and dropped her head again. Waverly scooted closer and tried to hold as much as Nicole as she could while she fell into a fit of silent sobs. Each hitch of Nicole’s breath only cracked Waverly’s heart more and more and all she could do was hold on and hope that it gave some sense of security.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, until then, I just won’t let go.” Waverly ran her fingers through Nicole’s hair softly. And there she sat holding onto Nicole as her life depended on it until Nicole finally succumbed to sleep within her arms. Only then Waverly found her own slumber on the couch, with Nicole tucked within her arms. </span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve never seen Nicole naked.” Waverly confessed at breakfast one morning.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ew, baby girl gross. I don’t need to know your weird sex kinks, I’m trying to eat.” Wynonna stood at one side of the kitchen, pouring cereal. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I mean,” Waverly sighed and ran a hand through her hair, “Nonna, I’ve never even seen her, like, change. She always either comes out of the shower changed or goes into the bathroom to change.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like I said Waves, trying to eat here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wynonna, I’m serious here, I don’t know what to do.” Waverly pleaded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And so am I, I am looking forward to this bowl of cereal and I don’t want to hack it back up because you won’t stop talking about Haught-to-trot.” Wynonna turned around and sat at the table. Taking a big spoonful of food she looked up to the death-glare her baby sister was giving her. Sighing, she put her spoon down, giving her somewhat full attention to Waverly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine, but if I hear one too many things about Haught I don’t want to know I’m taking this bowl out to the porch.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it just weird to you? Or am I just looking at it too closely. I mean I have tried to-” Wynonna held her hand up and shook her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you say anything along the lines of pound-town or taco night I’m gone.” Waverly shook her head and rolled her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She just avoids the topic whenever I try to bring it up. She gets all tense and twitchy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, babygirl, maybe Big Red just likes her privacy. Either that, or she’s hiding an embarrassing tattoo or something.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know Nonna… She just seems closed off sometimes and she gets these nightmares and I- I feel so useless.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wynonna took a big sigh and looked at her baby sister hard. Firstly it was too damn early to be dealing with deep shit like this. Especially before she even got a chance to eat much less drink. But she did know that Nicole and Waverly were the most love puppy sick idiots she had ever seen, so yeah, maybe this behavior did seem rather odd. But if Wynonna knew anything about Nicole is that she was the most annoying self righteous son of a ginger she had ever met and if she would tell anyone anything- it would be Waverly. If anything, she just needed some time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Waverly, you are probably the farthest thing from useless that Nicole has ever known. She would do anything for you a hundred times over. You just being there probably makes that Jolly ginger happier beyond belief. And </span>
  <em>
    <span>if</span>
  </em>
  <span> she is actually having trouble or dealing with whatever shit, I’d bet my best whiskey glass that she’ll tell you at some point.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nonna, you don’t even have a whiskey glass, you just drink from the bottle.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No thank you Wynonna for your words of incredible wisdom? Thank you for being a great big sister, I love you so much, what would I do without you?” Wynonna looked down at her bowl and started eating and looked back up at Waverly. Reaching a hand across the table, Waverly put a hand on Wynonna’s arm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks Nonna.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn right.”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Nicole wasn’t having a particular good day. She was already exhausted from being up more than half of the night because of nightmares; and it definitely didn’t help that it was her and Waverly’s off night therefore she woke up alone. Though, without Waverly there it felt less like home and more like just an extra place to sleep. The only thing waiting for her was the dead silence of the night. If anything, she would lie awake and focus on Waverly’s breathing or maybe even the subtle thump of her heart. But last night, it was just her, CJ, and the low hum of her fan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Walking through her door weighed down with exhaustion, Nicole took her jacket and shoes off somehow managing to still put them in the right place. Despite the stiffness in her body and the stench of day old uniform, Nicole was looking forward to date night. Her and Waverly had been dating for almost two months and each day only seemed to get better. At the very beginning, Nicole made sure that everything was at Waverly’s pace because she never wanted to push her to do anything she didn’t want to-especially since she has only just gotten out of that excuse of a relationship with Champ. But they were in a good place, a great place even and Nicole knew that if she would just get over herself it could get even better.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nicole isn’t stupid, she knows that Waverly has tried to push the relationship just a tad farther for the past two weeks now. Nicole just can’t bring herself to take that leap, not until tonight at least. Because tonight, she’s going to finally women the hell up and talk to her girlfriend. Ever since that one particular bad night, Nicole could feel the words at the back of her throat, aching to come out but she never had the courage. But looking into those gorgeous eyes, all Nicole wants is to tell everything to Waverly and share every bit of their lives and tonight she’ll do it. Waverly is the smartest person she has ever met and she’d figure it out eventually. Nicole can only change in the bathroom so many nights and wake up screaming before Waverly’s brain starts going haywire.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nicole has baggage, more than a normal functioning human being should and she has been hesitant about sharing it to say the least. The last thing she wants to do is overwhelm Waverly, she knows all of her issues can be a lot and she didn’t want to scare her away at first. She’s had too many bad experiences in the past, and she knew that Waverly was different from the moment she met her, but old experiences die hard she supposed. But after being together for a while now, she’s ready to lay it all out and come clean. She cares about Waverly more than anything and it eats her up inside knowing that she’s hid this part of herself for so long, but after tonight everything will be alright-she hopes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Trying to shake off her creeping anxiety, Nicole makes her way upstairs stripping as she goes. Finally hopping into a hot shower, she let the hot water rinse the day down the drain. Standing under the water with her thoughts, her mind tries to play out how she wants tonight to go. But, the more she thinks about it the more dread starts to fill her chest. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What if she’s disgusted? What is it’s too much? What if I’m too much?</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Losing track of time, Nicole finds herself watching the water run past her feet while anxiety pushes down into her chest. She has to tell Waverly, she can’t keep this from her any longer. You can’t keep secrets like this from people you love. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wait. Love?</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love her. Oh shit. I’m in love with Waverly Earp.” Nicole’s eyes widen as she talks to herself in the shower. Deep down she always knew. Hell, deep down Nicole knows she’s the one for her. If she could just… get everything off of her chest. If not for her own sake, for Waverly, she deserves to know.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Getting out of the shower, Nicole throws on a fresh pair of boxers and a bra. Running the towel through her hair haphazardly, she finds herself staring into her reflection. No matter how hard she tries, there’s no getting away from herself and her baggage- because it’s permanently scarred there. A lasting reminder of everything she just wants to forget is found etched across her body.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starting from her back, curving around her shoulder, a side of her stomach, and tops of her thighs are third degree burn scars. The rough skin painfully stands out from Nicole’s regular pale skin. Her body is a constant memory of her baggage- it’s inescapable and Nicole has accepted that. She only hopes that Waverly can accept it too. But looking at the scars covering her body, she can’t help but feed her insecurities and anxieties. Staring blankly at herself in the mirror, she loses herself within her thoughts again. Her brain is forced through flashes of that night, and she can feel her body grow tense. Flames everywhere. People screaming. Someone knocking on the bathroom door. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Someone’s knocking on the bathroom door!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nicole! I’ve been calling your name, I just want to make-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Waverly! Don’t!” Both of them were talking at the same time, but Waverly’s movements were fast. The door was already open by the time Nicole could even register anything. But all she could feel was her heart drop through the floor as Waverly covered her mouth with a gasp and stood there frozen.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Waverly had called Nicole 3 times already as she waited by Nicole’s front door. It was date night so that meant dinner and a movie. Only if Nicole answered the door that is. Waverly tried to peek through the door, but her cruiser was in the driveway so she knows her girlfriend is home. Sighing, Waverly found Nicole’s hidden lockbox with the extra house key- Nicole had given her the code a few weeks ago in case of an emergency. Now, it may not be an emergency, but she was freezing and Nicole wasn’t answering.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Walking through the front door, she took her shoes off and called for her girlfriend again but no answer. Slowly creeping upstairs, she listened for any sign of her girlfriend. She walked through the bedroom door, noticing the clothes strewn across the floor. Looking up, she called out Nicole’s name and walked over to the bathroom door closed but with light shining out from the bottom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Baby?” Waverly put her ear up to the door and knocked gently. No answer. She couldn’t even hear any movement. Biting her bottom lip, she knocked harder this time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nicole, is everything okay?” Still no answer. Sighing she took a deep breath and stepped back from the door. She didn’t want to pry too much, or invade Nicole’s space. But she was starting to freak out just a little bit. Might as well bite the bullet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Baby, I’m coming in.” Waverly took a big breath and turned the knob. “Nicole, I’ve been calling your name, I just want to make-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Waverly! Don’t!-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All Waverly could do was gasp and cover her mouth. Nicole was standing there in only her bra and boxer which Waverly would be thrilled to see in other circumstances- but everything else was something entirely unexpected. Wrapping around her stomach, peeking out from her boxers down her thighs, and from what she seems to curve around her shoulder were burn scars. Even though they appeared healed, the scars were still angry and red compared to the pale screen Waverly was used to seeing. Waverly looked up to Nicole’s eyes only to see deep insecurity and fear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nicole…” Nicole looked down quickly, as if trying to shield herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-, um. Can you give me a minute? I… I promise I’ll be downstairs in a moment.” Nicole looked up as if pleading with Waverly to just look away or leave as soon as possible.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah baby. I’ll wait on the couch.” Waverly nodded slowly and closed the bathroom door. Making her way out of the bedroom and downstairs, her heart breaking with each step. She can’t even imagine what happened to Nicole, </span>
  <em>
    <span>her Nicole</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It made her sick trying to figure out what caused those scars. What made Waverly even more sick though was knowing now why Nicole always changed in the bathroom. She was scared. Ashamed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She didn’t want me to see</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Guilt settled at the bottom of Waverly’s stomach. Guilt from walking in when she shouldn’t have, forcing herself into something Nicole clearly wasn’t ready to address. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve royally fudged up this time</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Taking a calming breath at the top of the stairs, Nicole finally decided after what felt like an eternity of an internal meltdown. This was not how it was supposed to go down. Nicole was going to ease Waverly into everything. Hell Nicole was going to ease </span>
  <em>
    <span>herself</span>
  </em>
  <span> into showing Waverly, but here she was. Feet in the fire, so to speak. Instead of putting on her new button up, she solemnly put on a hoodie and a pair of jeans. In all honesty, she was fully expecting Waverly to be gone by the time she got downstairs. Nicole has had her share of runners so she wouldn’t be surprised.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Finally coming to the bottom, Nicole comes face to face with Waverly and all of the hair rushes out of her chest. Both from relief and fear that Waverly was here. Now or never. She slowly made her way over to the couch and sat next to the brunette. Nicole felt Waverly watch her every move carefully, she could already hear her mind going overtime with possible questions- working overtime. Nicole took a final big breath to try and calm herself and bite the bullet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re probably wondering about everything you saw upstairs.” Nicole rushed out and looked up at her girlfriend. Waverly was twisting her hands, chewing her bottom lip which was her typical ‘I have so many thoughts I’m processing at the moment and trying to find the best solution.’ Nicole may have seen it a few times. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry I invaded your privacy like that. If I knew… But I wouldn’t have.. How could I? I-I can’t even imagine what… I just… Why didn’t you tell me?” Waverly rambled out quickly. Slowly she took Nicole’s hands in hers holding them tightly as if silently saying she’d never let go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was going to. I swear. Actually, I was planning on telling you tonight after dinner. And um, then you- you know. Honestly Waves, I’m surprised you’re still here. I kind of expected you to freak out and run.” Nicole seemed to shrink into herself, getting more insecure by the second. She kept trying to take deep breaths and focus on Waverly’s hands on hers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Baby, I would never run from you like that,” Waverly moved her hand up to brush the redhead’s cheek, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed Nicole, but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>care </span>
  </em>
  <span>about you. A lot. So whatever your baggage is, I don’t care. The only thing I care about is you and your wellbeing- But I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for.” Nicole could feel the tears burn behind her eyes, but she forced herself not the cry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. I’m ready, I promise. It just-,” Nicole looked up at Waverly with all of the love she could muster, “You deserve everything good Waverly. And this… part of me, isn’t that good and it’s never going to go away. But you also deserve to know the truth, and… if you wanted an out-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nicole Haught,” Waverly put her finger under the redhead’s chin and raised her eyebrow, “Don’t you dare finish that sentence. I would never </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> think about leaving you, do you understand me?” Nicole just looked at Waverly with an open mouth. “Nicole, I need you to answer me so I know you understand baby. I- I love you. Okay? I </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> you and I’m here for you. And whatever it is, I’m not going away.” Nicole’s tears finally broke after hearing those single three words. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you too Waves. So damn much it almost hurts. And, I’m ready to tell you- I want to tell you. I’ve just had bad experiences in the past and I can’t help but get… scared.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well those idiots clearly didn’t see how good they had it. And maybe I’m selfish, but you have me now- and I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon baby.” Waverly gave Nicole a soft smile and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. Taking a big breath, Nicole took both of Waverly’s hands in hers and looked into her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s no great way to start, so I’m just going to come out and lay it all on the table.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whenever you’re ready baby, I’m here to listen.” Waverly gave Nicole’s hands a squeeze of reassurance. </span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Nicole was only a kid. Her parents had left on another one of those meditation retreats and dumped her with her aunt and uncle. They were good people, probably better to Nicole than her own two parents. They were always there to take care of Nicole whenever they disappeared for a weekend, left for a month with hippie friends, or just straight up neglected Nicole. Aunt Katie and Uncle David were always there to pick up the pieces. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It was their idea and they thought it would cheer Nicole up after having been left for the hundredth time. There was a small musical festival happening right outside of town and they thought it would be fun. Music, food trucks, and just some time away from everything seemed like a great idea at the time. And for once in her life, Nicole was really looking forward to something. Maybe it was because with her parents she never knew what the next day would bring, but now with her aunt and uncle she could say she was happy. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The first few hours of the music festival was great. The music was good, the food was great, and the atmosphere was lively. In hindsight, the festival was a handful of stages in the woods on the outskirts of town, but to Nicole in the moment, it was everything she wished she had with her parents. Fun activities planned, actually being together and having a good time. It was everything Nicole wanted- until it wasn’t. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She doesn’t remember how it started, her memory is foggy for the most part. But all she knows is one moment she’s sitting on a blanket in the grass listening to good music and the next there’s a full blown forest fire. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She remembers the smoke burning her lungs and eyes. She remembers her aunt and uncle running behind her, pushing and directing her through the flames. In an instant, the music in her ears melt into screaming. So much screaming.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t look back Nicole! Keep running!” Uncle David is screaming behind her, but it melds with all the other voices crying out. Nicole feels as though her heart is going to pump out of her chest, her legs are getting tired.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Nicole!” She feels hands on her back and the next thing she knows she’s face first in the dirt with a ringing in her ears. She tries to sit up and immediately starts coughing from smoke inhalation. The smoke is now so dense all she can make out is the light of the flames tangled in a battle with the darkness of the forest. For the first time since she started running she’s alone in the middle of a catastrophe. She’s alone.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Uncle David! Aunt Katie!” She’s crying and coughing at the same time, desperately trying to reach out for any sound of them. But all she hears is screaming. So much screaming.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Slowly Nicole makes her way to her feet spinning in circles in search for her family. She can’t see anything and the smoke is burning with every blink and breath. She’s not sure if the wetness on her cheeks is blood or tears, but she doesn’t stop to check. Coughing, she tries to move into a slow jog trying to escape; but, everywhere she goes it’s just more flames.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Uncle David!” Her voice is hoarse from screaming and the smoke inhalation, but she doesn’t stop. She can’t stop. All she wants is to find them. It’s getting harder and harder to focus, harder to find her way through the maze of flames. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Nicole!” She turns around quickly, thinking she hears someone call her name. But all she sees is a fast movement through the smoke and a light barreling down on her. A tree. Nicole finds herself trapped on her side under hot heavy flames licking up and down her body. She can’t even scream. She doesn’t even have time to understand what’s happening before she’s blacking out.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Nicole doesn’t wake up again until a few weeks later. In the hospital. Alone. No one knew who she was. She was just a victim from the fire with no ID. Half of her body was wrapped in gauze, and Nicole felt as though her body was permanently in pain as if she would never escape. Even breathing too hard sent shocks down her body.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>When the doctors came in all she wanted was her aunt and uncle. They only stared at her. She begged and pleaded and cried. But they only started. After an eternity, they reported she was a survivor of a forest fire. The only survivor. All Nicole could do was cry.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>All Nicole wanted to do was forget. And she did, for a while, but her burns were constant reminders. Nicole avoided mirrors whenever she could- always closed her eyes when she changed. She did her best to ignore what happened, but she could only do it for so long. Not too soon after, she started having nightmares and flashbacks. Whenever it circles around to the anniversary, they always get worse. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Her mind is filled with that burning smoke once again, enveloping Nicole in its embrace. She hears people crying and screaming, she smells burning wood and people. Some nights it’s so bad that she wakes up and vomits. She’s done her best to get away from what happened to her. But you can’t run away from your own body- your own mind. These scars will forever be a part of Nicole just as Nicole will always be the only survivor of the Music Forest Fire.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Nicole was on the verge of sobbing by the time she finished. She held on tight to Waverly’s hands trying to ground herself. Waverly just sat there silently listening to everything Nicole was telling her, trying to take it all in. She could barely wrap her head around it. Everything that Nicole went through, everything she is still going through tears Waverly’s heart into pieces. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I used to go to therapy back in the city… But, uh, with work and-and moving. It got hard, and now I just-” Nicole’s voice wavered off as fresh tears trailed down her face. Waverly immediately gravitated closer and pulled Nicole down into a hug.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay baby. It’s okay.” Waverly ran her fingers through her hair and held on as tight as she could. Sniffling, Nicole ran the sleeve of her hoodie across her face and pulled away to look at Waverly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This. It’s never going to go away Waverly. I’m always going to have this on my shoulders to carry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That doesn’t mean you can’t share that weight baby. You can always come to me. Always. I don’t care if you have nightmares every night. I mean- I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> you to have nightmares every night. I just mean- I-. Oh god, this is coming out all wrong. What I want to say is that. We’re in this together. And I’ll be here for you because I love you okay?” Nicole laughed a watery chuckle from her tears and sniffed her nose again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s fine baby, I know what you mean. I love you too.” Waverly smiled and leaned in for a kiss. Once their lips met, Nicole never felt more safe in the entire world. She felt grounded, at home. She felt normal with Waverly, and with this finally off her chest, she felt lighter. Pulling away, Nicole noticed that Waverly was biting her lip again- her giveaway for having something else to say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Waves, you’re biting your lip again… What is it?” Nicole smiled and stroked her cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just- Can I see? Your scars I mean…” Waverly looked up hesitantly into Nicole’s eyes. Not sure what to say, Nicole just looked at her surprised- no one ever really asked to see them before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know what. That was a stupid question, just forget it.” Waverly started back tracking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.” Nicole said simply. Waverly’s head shot up and looked over at her girlfriend.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes?” Waverly made sure she heard the redhead correctly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure baby, we don’t have to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. But I want to. I want to show you.” Nicole closed her eyes and slowly removed her hoodie. With nothing underneath, Nicole was left in just a soft sports bra and the red twisting of skin across her body. Instead of gasping, Waverly just looked closer at her and slowly reached a hand out-silently asking for permission to touch. Nicole nodded silently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soft flesh met rough as Waverly’s hand landed on the side of Nicole’s stomach. Instinctively Nicole tensed and flexed her muscles under her hand. Softly, Waverly’s hand traced around the burns, almost as if trying to mark them into her memory. Waverly’s eyes met Nicole’s and she could see the insecurity burning inside her mind. Slowly, Waverly leaned closer and placed a gentle kiss on Nicole's shoulder where the burns curved around from her back. Leaning up, Waverly also gently kissed behind Nicole’s ear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t care how long it will take. But I am going to kiss every inch of your scars because you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” Nicole felt like crying all over again, but she settled with grabbing Waverly’s face and pulling her into a bruising kiss. She felt Waverly smile into her mouth just as Nicole smiled into hers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that smile never left her face for the rest of their passionate night. Nor did that smile leave as Waverly held her hand in the waiting room of her new therapist. With Waverly, Nicole never wanted to stop smiling. Because with her, she knows she’s found her forever family.</span>
</p>
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